我13歲的女兒一直纏著我要我告訴她孩子是怎么產(chǎn)生的。我還沒準(zhǔn)備好告訴她。我該怎么辦?
My 13-year-old keeps bugging me to tell her how babies are made. I’m not ready to tell her. What do I do?
譯文簡介
你可能還沒準(zhǔn)備好，但她迫切需要知道這些事。在我看來，你和她的學(xué)校解釋這件事都太晚了。她應(yīng)該在10歲的時候就知道這些基本的東西，這樣她的身體就不會在不知不覺中過度吸引她的注意。
正文翻譯
My 13-year-old keeps bugging me to tell her how babies are made. I’m not ready to tell her. What do I do?
我13歲的女兒一直纏著我要我告訴她孩子是怎么產(chǎn)生的。我還沒準(zhǔn)備好告訴她。我該怎么辦?
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You might not be ready, but she desperately needs to know these things. In my considered opinion, both you and her school have left it way too late to explain this; she should have known the basics when she was 10, so that her body would not catch her unawares.
As it is, you are setting her up to be caught unawares by an older boy. Don’t let that happen to her.
你可能還沒準(zhǔn)備好，但她迫切需要知道這些事。在我看來，你和她的學(xué)校解釋這件事都太晚了。她應(yīng)該在10歲的時候就知道這些基本的東西，這樣她的身體就不會在不知不覺中過度吸引她的注意。
事實(shí)上，你是在給她下套讓她被一個大一點(diǎn)的男孩發(fā)現(xiàn)。別讓這種事發(fā)生在她身上。
Children often wonder that and may ask at a very young age. My mother said I asked about that at age 4, then a bit later, probably forgot and later at between 9 and 10, I wanted to know specifics. If you do not know how to tell your child the facts of life, get some help, there are many educational videos that help explain, so that you can do it sufficiently, yet not provide every single detail in graphic depths until they are mature enough to understand them!
But one thing is for certain, THEY WILL ASK and they do need to know, but the details can be handled carefully, yet clearly and they need to know BEFORE they reach puberty, meaning long before they are capable of reproducing!
孩子們在很小的時候就會問這個問題。我母親說，我在4歲的時候問過這個問題，然后過了一會兒，可能忘記了，在9到10歲的時候，我想知道細(xì)節(jié)。如果你不知道如何告訴你的孩子生活的真相，尋求一些幫助，有很多教育視頻可以幫助解釋。所以，你可以充分地做到這一點(diǎn)，但不要提供每一個細(xì)節(jié)的圖形深度，直到他們足夠成熟，以理解他們!
但有一件事是肯定的，他們會問，他們確實(shí)需要知道，但細(xì)節(jié)可以處理得很仔細(xì)，但清楚，他們需要知道在他們進(jìn)入青春期之前，也就是在他們有能力生育之前!
A 4-year-old is perfectly capable of understanding ALL the details of sex and reproduction. I’ve raised 10 kids, and shielding them is the absolute worst idea in nearly every case. It’s the best way to ensure they get accurate information, rather than some surreptitious peek at a porn site, or whatever.
4歲的孩子完全能夠理解性和生殖的所有細(xì)節(jié)。我養(yǎng)了10個孩子，無條件為他們提供絕對的全方位保護(hù)是最糟糕的主意。
這是確保他們獲得準(zhǔn)確信息的最好方法，而不是偷偷偷看色情網(wǎng)站或其他什么。
Wow a 13 year old who has not been told how babies are made yet? Parental failure 101. Sorry but not sorry.
一個13歲的孩子還沒有被告知嬰兒是如何產(chǎn)生的? 絕對是父母的失敗。
抱歉，但不抱歉。
You better explain in detail before one of her idiot friends tells her she can't get pregnant doing it doggy style or some other idiotic thing.
你最好在她的白癡朋友告訴她她不能用愚蠢的方式懷孕之前詳細(xì)解釋一下。
This seems like a troll question, one of those made up bullshit questions designed just to get people riled up.
這看起來像是一個釣魚問題，是那些為了激怒人們而編造出來的扯淡問題之一。
Not a troll question at all but a very sensible one many parents wonder about. You are obviously very young intellectually despite your alleged qualifications you need to grow up.
這根本不是釣魚，而是一個許多父母都想知道的非常樸素的問題。你顯然在智力上還很年輕，盡管你有所謂的成長所需的資格。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
If a girl is 13 and does not know how babies are made, it is an alarmingly high time to tell her. I was 6 years old when I figured it out and also learned about the menstrual cycle.
I sincerely hope she isn’t wondering what that blood thing is which happens once in a month.
如果一個13歲的女孩還不知道嬰兒是如何產(chǎn)生的，那就該告訴她了。當(dāng)我6歲的時候，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了這個問題，也了解了月經(jīng)周期。
我真心希望她不會想知道每月一次的流血事件是怎么回事。
I figured out how babies were conceived and born by the time I was 14 without any sex talk from my parents whatsoever.
Strangely, I knew what circumcision was well before then and can remember asking my Grade 7 teacher what it was just to see if he would answer.
He only laughed for a long while with the look of awkwardness on his face.
在我14歲的時候，我知道了孩子是如何受孕和出生的，沒有任何與父母的性談話。
奇怪的是，在那之前我就知道割禮是什么了，我還記得我問我的七年級老師割禮是什么，只是想看看他是否會回答。
他只是笑了很久，臉上帶著尷尬的表情。
I can only imagine that’s a troll question. Would have to lock their child up in the basement for them to not have found out by age 13.
Not to mention if they were so curious they’d google it.
Or maybe humans are more stupid than I imagined once again.
我只能想象這是釣魚式提問。必須把孩子鎖在地下室里，這樣他們13歲時才不會發(fā)現(xiàn)。
更不用說如果他們好奇的話，他們自己也會去谷歌。
也許人類又比我想象的更蠢了。
In fairness, they could be an American in the Deep South. Such occurrences aren’t as rare as you’d think there. If you think the Northeast is free of such ignorance, you’re just luckily the recipient of a Northern European upbringing. I was vacationing in the Southern portion of my home state of New Jersey and some of the beliefs there would make the alt-right blush.
In short, us Americans can be pretty damn weird.
公平地說，他們可能是住在美國南方腹地的美國人。這種情況并不像你想象的那么罕見。
但如果你認(rèn)為東北部沒有這種無知，那么你只是幸運(yùn)地接受了北歐教育。我當(dāng)時在家鄉(xiāng)新澤西州的南部度假，那里的一些信仰會讓另類右翼感到羞愧。
簡而言之，我們美國人有時候真的很奇怪。
I teach middle school students (13 yr olds) and coming into this profession I didn’t think they were as “advanced” as a lot of them are. Some of them are already doing it. If she doesn’t get this information from you I’m pretty sure she’ll get it from somewhere else (friends, internet, etc.). In my opinion I would definitely talk to her about it before she gets information from elsewhere. It’s better that the talk comes from you. Not just a talk about sex but about STDs, safe sex, all of it! You don’t want her getting false information from someone else. I think the fact that she’s trying to reach out to you for information is actually really good. My parents didn’t have “the talk” with me until I was 17. I love my parents but I wish they and a lot more parents would talk to their kids about all this a lot sooner!
我教中學(xué)生(13歲)，進(jìn)入這個行業(yè)時，我曾認(rèn)為他們大多數(shù)人并沒那么“成熟”。
但有些學(xué)生已經(jīng)開始性行為了。如果她不是從你那里得到這些信息，我敢肯定她會從其他地方(朋友、網(wǎng)絡(luò)等)得到這些信息。在我看來，在她從別處得到消息之前，我肯定會和她談?wù)?。最好由你來發(fā)言。不僅僅是關(guān)于性的討論，還有關(guān)于性病，安全性行為，所有的一切! 你不會想讓她從別人那里得到錯誤的信息的。
我覺得她跟你聯(lián)系是件好事。我父母直到我17歲才和我“談”。我愛我的父母，但我希望他們和更多的父母能早點(diǎn)和他們的孩子談?wù)撨@一切!
I agree with the answer. It was similar for me too. I didn't get the talk until I was 18. It was more an off the cuff conversation on the ride home.
I was thinking, “dad, I'm an adult, this is a bit late lol, thanks for trying"
Yes kids talk. I found out about periods through a friend and my responses was “blood, from where!? No, that can't be right.”
It was a wtf moment that's for sure.
The good thing is where I live school taught sex ed which started at grade 5 (10 to 11 year olds). And continue for the following years. So yes we knew about periods, anatomy, sex, safe sex and STDs. The important stuff.
But yes, children talk. They share what they have heard including what their parents tell them which is sometimes about stalks bringing babies. And these days Google will give answer if one searches. And no it's not necessarily age appropriate stuff.
The OP isn't “feeling ready" yet their daughter is ready and has access to Google. It's likely the daughter knows something and has had a wtf, it can't work like that moment and is seeking clarity. And yeah, as I said, Google is not going to give an age appropriate response. That's the responsibility of the adults in her life.
我同意這個答案。我的情況也差不多。直到18歲，我才被告知。那更像是回家路上的即興對話。
我當(dāng)時在想：“爸爸，我是成年人了，這有點(diǎn)晚了，哈哈，謝謝你的努力”。
是的，我是通過孩子間的對話了解的。我是通過一個朋友知道經(jīng)期的，我的回答是“血，從哪兒來的!？不，這不可能。”
那絕對是一個該死的時刻。
好在我住的地方的學(xué)校從5年級(10到11歲)開始教授性教育。并在接下來的幾年一直在教授。是的，我們知道經(jīng)期、解剖學(xué)、性、安全性行為和性傳播疾病。都是重要的東西。
但是，是的，孩子們會交流。他們分享他們所聽到的，包括他們的父母告訴他們的，有時是關(guān)于秸稈變成嬰兒之類的?，F(xiàn)在如果你搜索谷歌會給出答案。但，不，它不一定是適合這個年齡的東西。
提問者自己還沒準(zhǔn)備好，但你的女兒已經(jīng)準(zhǔn)備好了，也會自己谷歌。很可能她的女兒知道一些事情，但感到不可思議，她正在尋求真相。
是的, 就像我說的，谷歌不會給出一個合適該年齡的回答。這是她生命中成年的責(zé)任。
I totally agree. This is a test as to whether she can trust you with other uncomfortable subjects, such as drug use, pregnancy etc. You are fortunate that she is initiating this discussion, because many parents have secretive kids who go off the rails. And teen years can be the pattern for relationships as adults. Not always, because kids can get into bad company that you can't control. But a good relationship during their teen years definitely gives hope of a good relationship in adulthood
我完全同意。這是一個測試，看看她是否能信任你，告訴你其他讓她不舒服的事情，比如吸毒、懷孕等等。你很幸運(yùn)，她發(fā)起了這個討論，因?yàn)楹芏喔改付加忻孛苊撥壍暮⒆印?br /> 青少年時期可以踐行成人模式了。并不總是這樣，因?yàn)楹⒆觽兛赡軙龅侥銦o法控制的壞伙伴。但青少年時期的良好關(guān)系肯定會給他們成年后良好關(guān)系帶去希望。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
I was 13 in January 1955. My first period was in late August or September of that year, right before I started high school. I woke up with blood in my bed, scared about what happened, calling to my grandmother who raised me and probably didn't know how to give me the talk. But she had bought “sanitary napkins” and showed me how to use them. I had no talk ahead of time and when I was in 8th grade before this happened the girls who had had periods were taken aside to have the talk and I was excluded. I wish I had grown up in an era where I would have known enough to ask like this girl did.
1955年1月，我13歲。我的第一節(jié)（性教育）課是在那年的8月底或9月，就在我上高中之前。我從床上“血淋淋地”醒來，對發(fā)生的一切感到恐懼，打電話給撫養(yǎng)我長大的祖母，她可能不知道該怎么跟我說。
但她買了“衛(wèi)生巾”，并教我如何使用。我在八年級的時候沒有和別人談?wù)撨^性，在這之前，那些來例假的女孩都被帶到一邊被談話，我被排除在外。
我希望我成長在一個我能像這個女孩一樣有足夠的知識去問這個問題（小孩是如何產(chǎn)生的）的時代。
”That talk” should have begun (only BEGUN) years ago, so YOU wouldn’t feel so awkward about the subject. In my opinion, the facts of human life and all its features should have been a constant area of discussion between you, and it’s awkwardly late at this point, for both of you. There are some fine books out there that could take YOUR place as the informant - so get one of those for her - obviously YOU are not yet ready, and this daughter of yours probably already has the capacity to “make babies”, but doesn’t know the details.
“這個談話”應(yīng)該在幾年前就開始了，這樣你就不會對這個話題感到尷尬了。在我看來，人類生活的事實(shí)及其特征應(yīng)該是你們之間經(jīng)常討論的領(lǐng)域?，F(xiàn)在這么晚了，對你們倆來說都有點(diǎn)尷尬。有一些優(yōu)秀的書可以取代你的位置，選一本給她。
顯然你還沒有準(zhǔn)備好，但你的女兒可能已經(jīng)有了“生孩子”的能力，但不知道細(xì)節(jié)。
Then you had better to find someone who will IT ISN’T ABOUT WHETHER YOU ARE READY OR NOT. She wants to know and she needs to know. Does she even know she is going to get periods soon?
How are you going to protect her from unwanted pregnancy if she has no idea what goes on? someone will be glad to inform her and it would not be a good experience.
So grow up and get on with it, or find someone trusted who will.
那么你最好找一個愿意的人。這與你是否準(zhǔn)備好無關(guān)。她想知道，也需要知道。她知道自己就要來月經(jīng)了嗎?
如果她不知道發(fā)生了什么你要怎么保護(hù)她不會意外懷孕?有人會很高興地告訴她，但不會是一段愉快的經(jīng)歷。所以，成熟一點(diǎn)，繼續(xù)做下去，或者找一個值得信任的人。
In France, human reproduction (from the medical standpoint but it also include the process of fecundation as it stands in a single sentence with LOTS of snickers) is in the program of biology in 5ème which is attended by teenagers between 11 and 13.
Also this is the age most people get their first periods in. Which means that if something happens this should be the age they learn what happens for their safety and peace of mind too. It's not criminal not to say, but getting a book on basic human biology would be the minimum if you don't want to talk about it. So that they at least know from a reliable and not fantastic source like porn or other 12 years olds.
在法國，11 ~ 13歲的青少年參加的5ème的生物學(xué)節(jié)目中包括了人類生殖(從醫(yī)學(xué)角度看，也包括了生育過程，這是一場包含著大量笑聲的對話)。
而且這也是大多數(shù)人第一次來月經(jīng)的年齡。這意味著，如果有什么事情發(fā)生了，他們也應(yīng)該在這個年齡知道發(fā)生了什么，這對他們的安全和內(nèi)心的平靜也有好處。
雖然不說不犯法，但如果你不想談的話，買一本關(guān)于基本人類生物學(xué)的書是最起碼的。這樣他們至少可以從可靠而不是荒謬的來源了解相信信息，比如色情片或其他12歲的孩子。
I'm going to touch on something here that most won't want to consider. I've scrolled through a few answers to this question and not seen it mentioned.
What I'm going to talk about is sexual abuse. I myself am a survivor. I was abused by an older relative between the ages of 6 and 9 years old. The only sort of talk I had as a child, “good touch vs bad touch" was given well after the abuse happened. So young me had these things happening to me that I had no words to talk about. I couldn't tell anyone what was happening to me because I didn't understand exactly what WAS happening. And even after it came out during the above mentioned talk, sex and all that still wasn't explained. So at that point I knew “being touched there is bad" but nothing about why.
Periods weren't explained until mine started, and even then it was basically “oh…you started your period. You'll need these" while being handed some pads. No explanation of what it was or why it happened. It just was. I remember being at school around that time and other kids mocking me when they spoke about these sorts of things and I had no idea what they were talking about.
我將在這里觸及一些大多數(shù)人不愿考慮的問題。我瀏覽了這個問題的一些答案，但沒有看到有人提到它。
我要講的是性虐待。我自己就是一個幸存者。我在6歲到9歲之間被一個年長的親戚虐待。當(dāng)我還是個孩子的時候，我唯一的話題，“好的觸碰vs壞的觸碰”是在虐待發(fā)生后進(jìn)行的。我太年輕了，這些事情發(fā)生在我身上，我不知道該說什么。我不能告訴任何人發(fā)生在我身上的事，因?yàn)槲也恢赖降装l(fā)生了什么。甚至在上面提到的談話中，性和所有的事情都沒有得到解釋。所以在那一刻，我知道“在那里被觸摸是不好的”，但不知道為什么。
直到我的月經(jīng)來了，他們才對我解釋，但即便如此，說的也是：“哦……你來月事了，你需要這些東西?！?同時遞給我一些衛(wèi)生巾。沒有解釋是什么或者為什么會發(fā)生。它就這樣。我記得那時在學(xué)校，其他孩子在談?wù)撨@類事情時嘲笑我，我不知道他們在說什么。
It wasn't until I was 18/19 or so and I had my first boyfriend that I learned about sex, masturbation, male and female anatomy…and it was he who was trying to teach me. The relationship wasn't healthy, ultimately, and there was a lot he didn't teach me, but I had nothing to compare it to. No prior knowledge, no experience. It took over a decade and 2 affairs (both on my part, both with others who were probably better for me than my boyfriend was) I actually left that boyfriend for the second affair partner, and am much better off. He likes to point out that I am being “deprogrammed" from my first boyfriend. I am now learning about things like boundaries, proper consent, how important it is to feel safe, comfortable, to be able to just relax without worrying about what might happen…and I will point out that I am learning these things in my 40's.
Now….I don't necessarily regret my life. I am happy where I am. But I do have a lot of anxieties, issues, and hang-ups that I might not otherwise have had I been properly educated from the start. And I wish better for the generations that come after me.
我自己的身體結(jié)構(gòu)也沒有得到解釋。我記得當(dāng)我還是個十幾歲的孩子時，我試著學(xué)會如何使用衛(wèi)生棉條。我蹲在浴室的地板上，想弄清楚該把它放在哪里，然后用它隨意地戳了戳自己，希望我運(yùn)氣好，它會不知不覺地跑到什么地方去。幾分鐘后，我尷尬地放棄了，把衛(wèi)生棉條扔了，從那以后就一直用衛(wèi)生巾了。
直到18/19歲左右，我有了我的第一個男朋友，我才學(xué)會了性、手淫、男女解剖學(xué)……是他教我的。這段關(guān)系并不健康，他沒有教會我太多東西，但我也沒有接收到什么與之相比更好的信息了。沒有先期知識，沒有經(jīng)驗(yàn)。我花了十多年的時間和兩段婚外情(都是我的，都是和其他人的，他們對我來說可能比我的男朋友更好)，我實(shí)際上離開了那個男朋友，和第二個婚外情伙伴在一起，我的情況好多了。他樂于指出，我不再被我的第一任男友擺布。我現(xiàn)在正在學(xué)習(xí)一些東西，比如界限，適當(dāng)?shù)耐?，感覺安全，舒適，能夠放松而不擔(dān)心可能發(fā)生的事情是多么重要……我要指出的是，我是在40多歲的時候?qū)W習(xí)這些東西的。
我并不一定后悔我的人生。我對現(xiàn)在的生活很滿意。但我確實(shí)有很多焦慮、問題和困擾，如果我從一開始就接受了良好的教育，這些可能不會出現(xiàn)。我希望我的后代能過得更好。
Please do so. The sooner the better. Give them the words so they can speak out if they are violated in that way. Give them the knowledge so they can form healthy relationships. Help them to understand themselves better, so that they can have a healthier relationship to themselves. Just…h(huán)elp them.
你的孩子需要被教導(dǎo)這些事情。我不希望另一個13/14歲的孩子蹲在地板上，試圖弄清楚衛(wèi)生棉條放在哪里，然后因?yàn)檫@種無知而經(jīng)歷所有的羞愧和尷尬。這是一種不需要也不應(yīng)該存在的無知。父母可以也應(yīng)該盡力消除這種無知。教育孩子是你們的責(zé)任。
請這樣做。越快越好。跟他們談一些話，這樣當(dāng)他們受到這樣的侵犯時，他們可以大聲說出來。給他們知識，幫助他們更好地了解自己，這樣他們可以建立起更健康的關(guān)系。
真的……幫助他們。